Ensconced in the Black Market
by HetChrome
Summary: Ryohei never would have thought that the doll-making industry would boom so hard. He needed to restock, and there weren't enough materials available. X18 Xanxus X Hibari, R27, 8059, and Xanxus X Fon. The rarest crack pairing with valid reasons to date.


**What you may or may not have been waiting for – X18. LOL Only spontaneously imagined when their hairstyles became very, very similar. This is crack or something... Kinda short? I dunno. I haven't written it yet.**

**Moving on.**

**Disclaimer: Poop. You understand, of course. Obviously, that's "Own Nothing" in Lambo-nese. **

**Well, besides the story's actual content.**

_ "Xie Xie," I-Pin chirped._

_ Ryohei glanced down at the small girl and grinned. "It was my extreme pleasure!"_

_ Ten-Years-Later Ryohei had given I-Pin that doll of the Arcobaleno Fong._

And **that **is what started it all.

~ChocoBananaCrepe~

Ryohei was besieged by requests from various mafia families.

"Excuse me! I'd like to bid on your Vongola Decimo plushie - "

The speaker was rudely shoved out of the way, a much buffer arm blocking others from intruding.

"Actually, I wish to purchase that one, if I may," another stated smoothly. A million euros up.

Ryohei sweatdropped. How the hell did this happen?

"That's extremely high!" He commented.

The prices went up once more.

"I'll take Vongola X for 1.5 million!"

"One million, six hundred thousand!"

"One million, eight hundred thousand!"

"...One million, eight hundred thousand and one!"

"Damn you!"

"Two million," a suave voice purred. The crowd scattered in fear and grudging admiration.

"Reborn-san!"

They were ignored. "Ryohei. Hand it over."

"Yessir."

The exchange was made.

…

"_I'll take Rokudo Mukuro for 3 thousand!"_

And so on.

~OhDear~

Ryohei sighed, sinking into a squashy armchair. He poured himself a cup of sake and gulped it down.

And another.

And another.

He sighed, sated. At this rate, he would be totally extreme-d out. All the dolls were handmade, so production was slow. If he stopped selling, it was undoubted that he would find some assassins in his bed tonight. And not in the perverted way.

He needed to take control of the market fast, before he was swamped.

First, to check the supply and demand.

Of course, Sawada Tsunayoshi plushies were always the highest ranked. They sold out the moment they came on market. Black market, that is. Sometimes, Ryohei didn't want to know what his customers did to those plushies at night when they were all alone.

Second was Rokudo Mukuro and Chrome Dokuro. The male was seductive and sly, exuding pheromones as he breathed. The female … well, she was just adorable. And even better, there were occasionally sales that Ryohei would spring, so one could get two as a package for the price of one.

Third was difficult. Yamamoto and Gokudera were ridiculously close in number, their prices chasing neck to neck. Ryohei remembered again that they were often bought together.

...Again, he didn't want to know. Really.

He didn't manufacture himself.

That would be wrong.

Seriously, what's _wrong _with you people?!

Lambo was dead last.

End of story.

Well, not quite.

You must be wondering where Hibari Kyouya is placed.

Weelllll... Nowhere.

Not on _this _market, that is. Hibari had many, many acquaintances and contacts he could use that would find out about Ryohei's "secret" black market of the plushie selling. And once he did, Ryohei's head would roll.

Maybe not literally, but we get close. He could just break every bone in his body.

If he was lucky.

SO.

Ryohei created something awesome. The best thing he'd ever thought of. The most ingenious idea to ever trespass this brain of which is Ryohei.

He made a super-secret, black, black, black, _black, _market.

Great idea, huh? It's _awesome. _Coolio.

Not really. But he likes to think so, so lets leave it as is.

So the Sun Guardian had a super-secret market, only accessible by very frequent and private customers. The VIPs. Of course, this was actually a good idea, though Ryohei didn't know until Reborn told him.

By using this strategy, mafia families that want Hibari plushies would have to buy many other plushies, thus allowing Ryohei to become.... filthy rich.

If you've never heard of Dirty Cash, this is the very definition.

(Yes, that was a Big Bang reference.)

Surprisingly enough, Hibari was very, very popular. Maybe they found his sadistic streak cute. Or the angled and sharp features of debonair Japanese were extremely popular. I say this for Ryohei – it's surprising for him, not so much to the rest of the world.

And here was the root of all dilemma.

He... was running out of time and materials to make more Hibari plushies!

Oh no. God forbid.

And as every single fanfiction author has said before – Drastic Times Call For Drastic Measures. Except in capitals.

_I extremely need 6 plushies of Hibari by tomorrow. The shipment isn't here yet. What should I do to the extreme?!_

Thus, the brilliance of Ryohei begins to happen. The cogs turn, squealing and grating from lack of use. But that makes him adorable. Crack.

_Ding._

"I got it (to the extreme)!"

He rushed over to the warehouses where all these plushies were stored, and headed for the back.

"I'll need....these." A few ominous bags were yanked out from a cardboard box. "And...these."

Let's get cracking.

~Let's share a lollipop!"

Ryohei sat at his workbench, an array of expensive and complicated looking tools set out on a strip of velvet before him.

He picked up a scalpel.

Nope.

A wrench.

Nope.

And...everything else was too complicated-looking.

"GAH! I can do this to the extreme!" He set the two plushies in front of him.

One from the Arcobaleno branch and the other from the Varia one.

You can guess where I'm going with this, huh?

Well, if not...

Ryohei seized the top, and without any apparent effort, ripped it off.

Glue.

Smack.

Done.

~Stupid Pineapple~ 3

A few happy business men left from this super-secret underground auction. They each had in their possession, one brand new, frowning, Cloud Guardian, Version Hibari Kyouya.

Ryohei was left with more money than he could possibly need. Where most of it was wired to Kyoko in Japan, and the rest was used to invest in more plushies.

He would never know what hit him.

Well, sometime after, he could probably guess...

~It'sPronouncedDee-No~

Hibari had finally tracked it down. That stupid super-secret auction thing. The black, black, etc etc market thing. Yes, that one.

An associate of his had gotten in, as per request. It was difficult though. Apparently, this Sasagawa Ryohei had more brains than he let on.

(Not really, Hibari. Not really.)

In his hands, he held a replica of a "Cloud Guardian, Version Hibari Kyouya" plushie. His eyes narrowed at it in disgust. Taking in the fine details of this doll, he came to a conclusion.

This doll was not him.

~NotALizard,Chameleon~

The door to the Varia headquarters flew open, nearly smacking an unfortunate Squalo on the other side. The silver-haired shark was just dodging some liquor thrown by his beloved boss, and just ran right into another abuse.

"You."

Hibari's voice was deadly, low. It held notes of killing intent.

Or, as Xanxus liked to imagine, sexual tension.

"Ah?" Xanxus's growl was equally low, irritated at the interruption of his liquor time. But he did have to admit that Hibari enraged was pretty sexy.

"Since _when _did you create a baby with that Arcobaleno look-alike?" Hibari snarled, tossing Xanxus the horribly mutated plushie.

"...What?" Thrown for a loop much? What... _is _this?

"Are you ready to _repent_?" Hibari's scowl melted away, replaced by a deadly grin. Xanxus nearly shivered.

"I hope this is better than the one in the Ring Battles, trash." Xanxus grinned back.

"Oh? Do you want to try?" Hibari's gaze darkened.

"Yes," with that said, Xanxus scooped up the irate Cloud Guardian and headed toward the bedroom. "Let's go make other babies."

Xanxus, as a parting shot, told Squalo, "clean up this mess." He indicated the liquor.

One of the last things Squalo heard was, "You can't make babies, dumbass," from the Guardian.

Xanxus gave a feral smirk. "Who said I would be making them?"

The door closed and Squalo heard a muffled, "I can't make them either," through the oak door.

~Wao~

Fon smacked his head, sighing at the destroyed merchandise. Ah well. His job was to sell the ones with "slight deformities" at lower prices, like a brand name.

In the window of the store, a manufactured wig looking suspiciously like Fon's own hair was lopsidedly placed on a bald-looking Xanxus. Hopefully, someone could buy that mutilated thing.

He shut the door, and the bell at the top jingled cheerfully back at him.

~Mureru no Yatsu wa... Kamikorosu~

…

"I'll take Fon and Xanxus's child deformity thing object for one thousand!"

Cricket. Cricket.

"SOLD!"

_**Owari.**_

**LOL So there is some R27 and XanxusXFon (WTF?). Oops.**

**If you don't get it, Ryohei pretty much just ripped off Xanxus's hair and glued it to Fon's head.**

_Omake (My First One Ever)_

_Ryohei sat gloomily at his workbench. He grabbed the tuft of Xanxus's hair... and puuulllleddd..._

_Rriiipppp...._

"_NOOOOOOOO (TO THE EXTREME!)" Ryohei howled. The sounds traversed blocks, halting traffic._

_In his hand was gripped only half a tuft of hair._

_Okay, let's try this again..._

_and again..._

_and again..._


End file.
